“Home”

Dear Friends,
I am “home” , so to speak!   I arrived back last Tuesday and  to be honest, it has been both good bittersweet.    Good in being reacquainted with loved ones and friends. I had a welcome home party on Saturday, and it was great to tell them about my experiences and how God has shaped and formed me from my six months.  If any of you would like to meet or talk with me, let me know.  After the holidays, I am planning in having a presentation perhaps at Mountain, but would still love to talk with you one-on-one or at your small group, etc. 

Bittersweet, in being away from my second home, “Kenya.” They say home is where the heart is, while it is harder when home is two places and you want to be both places at once!  It was hard to say “goodbye, until we met again” to the Kenyan people, especially MOHI staff, because they had become like family to me. Family as we worked in ministry together. Family as we fellowshipped with one another and developed relationships with each other.  I said to fellow missionaries in Kenya that I could see my future being in either America or Kenya, but in the past week, I have seen that my future lies in Kenya.  I have no idea what that would look like, perhaps that it would probably  as a missionary associate with CMF in Kenya.   But there are still logistics, questions, doubts, and fears, to sort through with wise counsel. Pray that God will give me discernment and wisdom , and guidance as I talk to people and see what God’s next chapter is in my life. I want my story to be so enjoined with his that people may see more of Jesus in me than me in me. 

As this Christmas season approaches, I pray that you will recognize the miracle of Christmas in the amidst of the  busyness of this season.  It is not about the presents, the traditions we hold so dear. It is simply all about Christ. 

A favorite Christian artist of mine, Steven Curtis Chapman says in his song, “The Miracle of Christmas”,
“The God who spoke is spoke is speaking still, 
The God who came still comes, 
And the miracle that happened still happens in the hearts of those who will believe and receive the Miracle of Christmas”
So come to Bethlehem again and see 
The one who’s comes to rescue us Our Savior and King
Bring your past, the joy, the sorrow, all you hope to find tomorrow
Hear the words again, “Fear not,” and know God is near”
This song is my prayer for you, that we will believe anew the miracle of Christmas and let it change us and form us into Christians who follow Christ who full abandon, willing to abandon everything they hold dear, for the sake of the call God has put on their lives to go into the world and make disciples of all nations.

 

Love in Christ,

Michael

“Saved by Love”

Sorry for not writing sooner.
This period during my apprenticeship is an interesting one. I am caught between wanting to stay in Kenya and wanting to go home. My family is even counting down the days until my arrival. Yes, I will be excited to see them on December 13th, but part of my heart will always remain here in Kenya. For in my heart, I have precious memories that have been reminders that I have been saved by love.
“There’s nothing quite like my family’s love to warm me
Nothing sure of death is ever going to leave me cold
But still at times it’s lonely
But through it all, it only makes me love Jesus more
That’s what he came here for”
This lyric from Amy Grant’s “Saved by Love” reflects a profound truth that has been true of my time in Kenya. I left both my immediate family (Mom, dad, brother, grandmother, aunts, uncles), and my church family (Mountain Christian Church) to follow God’s call to go to Kenya. In many ways, they have both been there for me through the thick and thin, the good, and bad of life. It was hard to leave them for I did not know the community I would find here. It was very happy to have Mountain here for two weeks in Kenya, as I enjoyed getting to serve with my church family in sharing the gospel, meeting friends, both old, and new. However, when Mountain left, it was hard because they were the only resemblance of family and my hometown I would see before the end of my time here. However, God opened my eyes to see that he had prepared the way before I got to Kenya and for me to appreciate and be thankful of my Kenyan and American families here in Kenya that has helped to fill the void of my belonging and sense of family. Yes, at times it has been lonely, living in a room by self, but when I am reminded by God of his deep and endless love for me, and the love showed to me by immediate family, church family, and American and Kenyan families here in Kenya, I come to a deeper love for my Lord and Savior. He did not have to bless me with the countless blessings he has given me, it would have been enough his sacrifice for me on the cross for my sins. But, he did, to help me to see that came that I may have life and have it to the full (John 10:10). I acknowledge I have been given life to the full through my Savior and Lord, but part of that life is the blessings he has chosen to pour upon my life and encourage and uplift my spirits. The blessings of family in Kenya include staff at MOHI, such as Isabella, Ann, Lilian, Purity, Elsa, Shiro, Mary, Wallace, Victory, Faith, David, and countless others, and the Americans I have met and worked with during my time here, Krystal, Shelby, Hannah, Justine, Erin, Bethany, Keith, and others. I am thankful for all of these individuals because they have stuck with me during the thick and thin of adjustments of life in Kenya, have listened to me and offered words of encouragement, and simply blessing my life with their colorful personalities.

Let me share just about a few of these individuals and how they have blessed me: Isabella, her beautiful and her love for Jesus have inspired me as we have grown together in friendship with each other. Krystal, Shelby, and Hannah, who have been the “sisters” I have never had, loving me and supporting me, through taking me to the movies on my 25th birthday, and just sticking with me when I am unlovable.
Keith, my father figure here in Kenya, who I have enjoyed getting to talk about sports and life, and also has helped to relax, enjoy, and help me on the path to be flexible in the changes of life here in Kenya.
David, who in many ways, has helped to fill the void of my adopted nephew, Luke, who is just about two years older than him, as he loved on me as we have played with each other and just simply sharing life with each other.
I could go on and on, but it would take a long time perhaps years, to tell of the countless blessings God has showed upon me and has helped to see how much I am saved by love.

The last song I wrote was for a woman named Helen, who wtas a youth sponsor at Mountain. I had grown to love her love and passion for Jesus. I was on CIY trip with her as a sponsor and she was going to be leaving at the end of summer back to her home in Texas. I wrote a song to reflect what she meant to me. The song is titled, appropriately: “Helen”
The chorus went like this:
“Her name is Helen
Living the Gospel day by day
Showing us a example of faith”

After I wrote the song, my youth pastor Joey Potter, who was with me on the trip, said to me: “It may not be a hit song, but what matters is that it was written from the heart”.
Now I have written a new song nine years later, and this song is not for a person, but for my and my heart. My heart needs to be reminded daily to practice “Flex Flex baby”

So here is the song “Flex flex baby”

“Flex,flex,baby”
I learned some advice when I was only twenty-one in the Ugandan bush
It was so easy to practice when I was only in Africa a short while
But now living in Africa, I find it hard to practice:

Flex,flex baby
It is the only thing you can do
when everything around you goes into chaos
And Jesus is the only thing you can hold on to
So flex,flex,baby, tonight

Lord, change me and all my inflexible ways
So I may enjoy life and learn to laugh,love, and smile the way you call me to
For the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy, but You came so I may have life to the full
And you call me out of the chaos to:
Flex Flex baby
When everything seems out of control
Hold on tight to me
And I will show you the way to live

God, I want to rest in my identity as your child
Yet it is so easy to find identity in the things of this world,when you seem complex
But the truth is you’re simple and complex
Please live your life through me
So I may learn to walk in the way of love and

Flex, flex, baby
when everything goes into chaos
and Jesus is the only thing you can hold on to
so flex, flex, baby tonight

“Flex,Flex, Baby”

Sorry that it has been so long since I did an update. I wish I could I say I was totally swapped with ministry work (which I was at times), but I have also been lazy in not updating you with what God is doing in me.

I first heard the phrase “Flex Flex baby” when I was with my Aunt Pam and Uncle Harry in Uganda in Summer 2008 . They were missionaries in Northern Uganda at the time and I had the awesome opportunity to engage in ministry with them for three weeks.
My aunt used the phrase “Flex Flex baby” as a way of saying flexibility is key to life on the mission field. Flexibility came easy to me while I was in Uganda for I basically could serve wherever I wanted to be, because I was not apart of team, just a single individual. When I returned home, the lesson was easy to learn because there was not much change in my life to come back to. All I had was a month back in Maryland until I returned to Johnson for my senior year.

Now three years later, I am finally learning the truth behind the phrase. Life can be unpredictable on the mission field, as plans, big or small, can change at a moment’s notice. A friend leaves to go back to the States in light of a medical diagnosis. Your team-mate goes to visit a circle of friends in Kenya from the States that you wish you had. Or the plans, you thought, were God’s plans, change and evolve into something you couldn’t imagine. Like roles in over-seas ministry changing three months into your term. Or changes that you anticipate, for it brings new people into your path that challenge you. Like Shelby, “my new room-mate” who arrived three weeks ago in Kenya.

I wish I could say I reacted/react to all of these situations with gusto, ‘ a seize the day’ attitude. However, too often, I react negatively, as I try to control events in which I have no control. This results in people seeing sides of me that I don’t want them to see. A side that shows anger and brings all the thoughts in my mind that I don’t want people to see. I also cried/cry out to God for allowing the circumstances he has allowed during my time in Kenya.

Yes, all these situations have brought the worst out of me at one point or another, but they have also brought the best out of me. It has helped me to express my feelings to my friends and not avoid conflict. It has also helped me to express the full range of my emotions with God,strengthening my relationship with Him. I am coming to see all of these situations, big or small, are intended to stretch me and bring perseverance, character, and hope into my life.
There are things I can’t/couldn’t control and I must learn to give them up to God, for he is already in control!
I couldn’t control that my friend Hannah had to go back to the States to be evaluated for her epilepsy diagnosis. I had to learn to give her up to God and lift up her in prayer continually.
I can’t control that I have a fellow sister and team-mate has friends in Kenya she already knew before she got to Kenya. God gives us all different gifts of grace and they all come in different forms. Just because I don’t have many friends, doesn’t mean that I am not loved more than I can ever know. Weekly, my mom tells me that people ask about me and some of these people I don’t ever know. Most importantly, I am loved by my great God. I am learning to embrace the truth in this quote by Brennan Manning in his book Abba’s Child:
“____ The heart of it is this: to make the Lord and his immense love for you constitutive of your personal worth. Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. God’s love for you and his choice of you constitute your worth. Accept that, and let it become the most important thing in your life.”
Even if I feel all alone, I am not. Even from my conception, God has been with me and will be with me until my ending days on my temporary home, called earth. He simply calls me to rest in my identity as His Child and live out of it.

I couldn’t/can’t control that my fellow co-worker in ministry, Isabella, has exams off and on for the next two months, resulting in a different role with MOHI. This role is simply shadowing/working with different CHE trainers every week in the communities they serve. This gives me new and different perspectives of different communities in the Mathare Valley and how ministry is done. I would of never chosen this on my own because I would of never wanted to depart from serving in ministry one-one-with her. She has become a close friend and is one of my many Kenyan mothers. It has been hard to be apart from Isabella, but God is using this new transition to humble me and stretch me in ministry and in my relationship with Him. God is humbling me to see that God has the bigger picture, I do not. God knew this was going to happen before I made the decision to stand in Kenya for two additional months. God simply calls me to be open and flexible to being his hands and feet wherever he sees fit.

I was glad when Shelby came to Kenya almost a month ago for God gave me another sister to strengthen me and encourage me in my relationship with God. She has a care free and flexible spirit that inspires me and challenges me. I want to learn to “flex,flex, baby” like she does. Her words of advice to me have not always been the words I wanted to here, but they were words of truth that I need to hear.

In the end, I must remember the only thing I can truly control is my attitude. Will I respond negatively to changed plans? Or will I respond positively to changed plans, realizing the full truth behind flex, flex baby?
If I do the latter, I will realize that all changed plans, are for God to stretch me and grow me into more a man after His heart.

In midst of all the change and chaos, big and small, I must remember that at the end of the day all that is left is to love.
All the foundations, all the plans, I had built up or thought God built up, must be surrendered at Jesus’ feet.

“Picture of Mariah”

I have mentioned in a previous post about a girl named Mariah. Here is the link to it: http://michaelgoestokenya.wordpress.com/2011/07/10/46/ Photo courtesy of my “soul sister”, Hannah Bader.

 

Unshakable Faith/Heaven in the Real World

I know this is not Transitions, Part II, but I just have to tell what God has been pressing on my heart lately.

Probably my favorite song right now is “Heaven in the Real World” by Steven Curtis Chapman. It is not only because of its profound message, but because a woman God blessed me to meet in Kenya. I met this woman two months ago during a home visit with Mountain in which we delivered food baskets.  In a previous post, I mentioned her: http://michaelgoestokenya.wordpress.com/2011/06/28/oh-my-god/.

The beginning words of “Heaven in the Real World are:

“I saw it again today in the face of a little child

Looking through the eyes of fear and uncertainty

It echoed in a cry for freedom across the street and across the miles

Cries from the heart to find the missing part”

I could easily insert ” I saw it again today in the face of a woman”.   When I first met this woman, I could see hopelessness in her eyes, mixed with fear and uncertainty.   She and all her family was infected with HIV/ AIDS. She didn’t know what life held for her and her family.  She didn’t even know what her kids were going to have for their meal.  (Our food basket would be their next meal).  She also held a one-year  baby in her arms that was emaciated. I ultimately saw a cry for freedom from her present circumstances and a cry for someone to meet her right in the middle of her pain.

That day, we shared the gospel with her and she accepted Jesus into her life as her personal Lord and Savior. Despite that amazing fact, my soul was downcast and the words of “Heaven in the Real World” chorus could of easily express where my heart was at:

“Where is the hope, Where is the peace,

that would make this life complete for every man, woman, boy, and girl

looking for heaven in the real  world”

I recently had the awesome privilege of meeting this woman again during a follow-up visit with Isabella and a local pastor last Thursday . When I looked into her eyes, I no longer saw hopelessness, fear and certainty, but the color of hope that could only come from Jesus.  Her face was also one of hope. I had simply forgotten as the song goes on later to say that “Jesus is the hope, and the peace that will make this life complete for every man, woman, boy, and girl, Jesus is heaven in the real world“

I later found out during the home visit that her emaciated baby died four days before. I expressed my sympathy for her and told her that her baby is now singing with the heavenly angels.  As she continued to talked to Isabella and the pastor,  I did not see hope disappear from her eyes.  Yes, she was sad, but I could see in her face the belief that could easily be expressed in the bridge of the song:

“To stand in the pouring rain and believe the sun will  shine again

To know that the grave is not the end

To feel the embrace of grace and cross the line where real life begins

And know in your heart you’ve found the missing part”

Hope did not disappear from her eyes.  Hope remained firmly displayed, not only in her eyes, but in her face.  I could see that she believed that the sun will shine again, and that the  grave was  not the end.  She knew God would bring good out of this tragedy even though she couldn’t see it.  She also knew that she would see her baby again on the other side of heaven.

Isabella had told me before our visit that she had visited her and saw that she was now able to walk, as she was not able to do so before.  Yes, Jesus did perform a miracle in her life, but he still allowed her baby to die. She did not walk away from Jesus. She had felt the embrace of grace and had crossed the line where real life begins. I believe, she  ultimately felt in her heart that she had found the missing part of her life: Jesus.  No tragedy was going to take away her faith. She was going to cling onto him for dear life, for Jesus had invaded her  soul and gave her a hope and a peace beyond all understanding.

She has challenged my faith in God,  leading me to ask such questions such as “Would my faith in Jesus be so unshakable if someone dear to me died tragically ?”

I believe the answer would be yes, but sometimes it is hard to be certain. I only hope that I would have unshakable faith like that woman.

I am thankful for God bringing such people into my life during my time in Kenya.   Other people such as this woman, have been Isabella, Ann, Wallace, Mary and Wallace Kamau,  and Purity, Martha, and Lillian, among many others. They have changed me from the man I was before I left to Kenya.  I was a man full of fears,wondering why exactly God called me to Kenya. Now I a man who is learning to abandon those fears, and to live in the wonder of God’s love for me.

Transitions-aka Hello Goodbye Part I

Sorry it has been so long since I updated this.

Here  it goes:

You know that Beatles song, “Hello Goodbye?” The chorus goes like this:

“Hello, hello,I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello“

Life can be like “Hello Goodbye” in Kenya.  I have said “Hello” to so many short-term teams,interns,good friends, only to say “goodbye” to them. The trouble is that my  mindset is often focused on goodbye, but not hello. I forgot the old timeless chorus i have heard countless times:”Friends are friends forever, if the Lord is Lord of them,and a friend will not say never, because the welcome will not end.“ I also forgot this fundamental truth  that even if I don’t say “hello” to them again  in this life, I will certainly say “Hello” to them in the next life because of the hope we share in Jesus.

The  whole “goodbye, hello”, however, has been difficult in the past few weeks. I have seen a fellow apprentice (Hannah) decide to leave for the States after having a seizure and being diagnosed with epilepsy.

She didn’t have to leave, but in light of her diagnosis, wanted  to spend time with her friends and family for emotional support.  I  questioned and cried out to God, “Why did you allow this to happen?” Why did you call Hannah to Kenya, to just have her return a month later?”  Hannah, Krystal, and I were just beginning a bond of friendship and community with each other, only to seem for it to be stripped away.  I always wanted an older brother/or a younger sister, and God had given me one older sister and younger sister in Hannah and Krystal.

Here is the picture of the three of us:

(Hannah to the left, me in the middle, Krystal to the left)

However in the midst of confusion, God brought tremendous good and brought  an blanket  of peace to my two sisters.  He has indeed showed himself as faithful and ever full of everlasting love  to His children.  God brought the blanket of peace surprisingly in the form of introduction  Krystal had  at a restaurant the day before the seizure.  (She also works for CMF, the organization I fall under). The woman who Krystal met was the woman who broke Hannah’s fall when she passed out. She knew who to reach out to for medical guidance. This woman, Connie Crum,(another CMF missionary) who  took the crisis in her own hands. Hannah suffered from amnesia and they waited until she became coherent enough to go to the hospital. After hours of waiting and testing the questions still remained for Hannah.  Connie was gracious and caring enough  to take on the role of Hannah’s medical advisor and took Hannah into her care at her house.  In light of Hannah’s diagnosis, they ended up staying two weeks at her house.

I was at the Kamaus’ house the two weeks Krystal and Hannah were at Connie Crum’s house. I admit it was hard. I longed to be with my sisters, but God showed me many things through my time as the only apprentice at the Kamaus’ house.  He showed more than ever my identify rests in my God and I am my Abba’s Child.  He brought out spiritual gifts, such as encouragement to others, in form of writing letters to Hannah and Krystal.  He also helped to show me that he paved the way for me in Kenya and I am never truly alone. He gave me a  home in the form of my wonderful Kenyan family:

Mother: Mary, Father: Wallace, ,Sisters: Faith, Hannah, and Krystal, Brothers: Victory and David.

Even God brought a sister back home to the States, it does not mean that the bond of friendship is broken between us.  I still keep in contact with her and gave her a birthday gift in the form of Kenyan coffee via interns who met her at debrief this past week. It was the least I could do for a passionate lover of Jesus who longs to be a part of God’s kingdom wherever she is, wherever she is called.

I miss my sister, but it is the hope of MOHI that she comes back in September. I still have two sisters that I loved spending time with: Krystal and Faith.  Krystal has been fun to be around and simply talk to, and she has gotten me slowly liking country music.  I join my sister Faith for a weekly show called Soy Tu Duena. She is caring and loving even to us new additions to the family (aka Hannah, Krystal, and me).

I also found out in midst of Hannah’s seizure and diagnosis, that I will be gaining a new sister!! My brother Stephen got engaged to his girlfriend Stephanie on July 2 a day after Hannah’s seizure. Stephanie is a loving and caring woman who loves Jesus and is a great fit for our family.  I love that she will be my sister for the rest of my life!

This just highlights what I am trying to get across in this post:  God provides for us who serves him, whether we are home or over-seas. He makes the way before us wherever we go in this life.  He is also in the working in his time-table, of granting us the desires of our heart as he calls us to delight in him in midst of our waiting.